Chapter 1: The Cycle of Life and Death

We often fear death due to our lack of understanding about it. The natural world around us reflects this cycle, as evidenced by the trees that are now shedding their leaves.

My wife and I often contemplate taking a drive to admire the autumn colors. The hills and bluffs transform beautifully with the changing season, and there’s nothing quite like sitting under the trees while nature's artist works. Many people cherish fall, preferring regions where seasons change, even if it brings cold weather, over consistently warm climates devoid of seasonal variation. There’s a comforting rhythm to these transitions. Why, then, do we resist the inherent rhythms of life and death when we witness this annual cycle?

As I grow older (now 67), I’ve begun to face both welcome and unwelcome changes. Age has granted me wisdom, helping me focus on what truly matters and making me more willing to set aside my burdens. I find myself moving and thinking at a slower pace, which has its pros and cons. My body often aches and resists healing, hindering my desires.

Some unwelcome changes stem from my own neglect of my body and mind. I’ve been complacent and at times, harsh towards myself, allowing others to dictate my schedule, stress levels, and ultimately, my happiness. Fortunately, I am learning to manage these aspects better, yet time continues to advance. I still perceive the rhythms of life and the seasonal changes within it.

The hickory trees in my yard exemplify this duality of life and death. As fall arrives, hickory nuts plummet from branches, creating a cacophony on our roof, while small limbs scatter across the yard. A neighbor remarked that hickory trees seem to live and die simultaneously—an apt metaphor for our existence.

Richard Rohr has articulated that "Christianity, along with Buddhism and other philosophies, teaches that the essence of transformation is not about avoiding death, but rather embracing its transformation."

As a pastor, I have sat with many who are nearing death. I have listened to their stories, read scriptures, and prayed alongside them and their families as they prepare to honor their loved ones in ceremonies of remembrance.

Not all deaths are the same. Some are tragic, harsh, and senseless. I have witnessed complex losses, including the death of an infant, a suicide, and the accidental passing of a teenager. I sat by my father during his battle with cancer and later, my mother as she succumbed to heart failure. Thankfully, both departures were peaceful—a serene final breath.

One of my brothers passed away due to HIV, and it is noteworthy that, similar to recent COVID-19 fatalities, the underlying cause often gets overshadowed by the effects on the body, such as respiratory or kidney failure.

Everyone navigates death in their own unique way. However, I don't believe anyone is truly prepared for it. Even when it arrives after a prolonged illness or in the twilight of life, death feels disruptive and final.

People typically fall into two categories regarding their response to death: those who cope well and those who struggle. The individuals who grieve the most intensely often have unresolved matters.

The Buddha wisely stated, "You too shall pass away. Knowing this, how can you quarrel?" Conflicts can overshadow our lives. Old grudges not only hinder our journey toward truth but also consume precious time.

Those who mourn deeply often realize, too late, that they have squandered valuable moments. They cling to past conflicts over trivial matters, often unable to articulate why they held on for so long.

Don't let this be your fate. Now is the moment to mend relationships and find peace for yourself and those around you.

The Buddha also said, "Those who view the unessential as essential and the essential as unessential remain lost in the field of wrong intentions."

Getting your priorities in order is vital for living and dying well. Embracing life without regrets can profoundly change how we grieve the loss of a loved one and prepare for our own mortality, framing it as transformation rather than an end.

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Chapter 2: Navigating Mortality

As the trees in my yard transition with precision, so too does the cycle of life unfold around us. The lushness of summer gives way to the vibrant hues of fall, followed by the starkness of winter and the rebirth of spring.

One might argue that trees return each year, but what about us? Death manifests in various aspects of life.

I transitioned from grade school to junior high, then to high school—a series of 'deaths' leading to new beginnings. I moved from being single to married and from childless to parenthood. I have experienced multiple career changes and shifts from renting to owning a home, from being employed to retiring, and from disbelief to faith.

I cannot count the times I have 'died' to illness only to reclaim my health, or battled depression and anxiety to emerge into joy and peace.

Every moment of growth requires letting go of ignorance to make room for knowledge. Understanding this cycle is crucial, as Richard Rohr highlights: "The only reliable pattern of spiritual transformation is death and resurrection. Christians learn to endure trials because Jesus taught that we must 'carry the cross' with him, while Buddhists recognize that 'life is suffering.'"

Death and life are intrinsically linked; one cannot exist without the other. Those who handle death with grace perceive it as part of an ongoing journey rather than a definitive end. They understand that life is a series of little deaths leading to transformation, where energy is never truly lost.

Each time we relinquish control, trust in the process, and surrender to the inevitable, we deepen our faith and discover a greater self within.

Letting go of selfishness can lead to unexpected happiness, while releasing the need to control relationships can foster growth, whether in unity or separation. Every choice is a form of dying, illustrating the profound connection between life and death.

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This video discusses the fear of death, encouraging viewers to explore their beliefs about mortality and how it shapes their lives.

We inevitably grieve loss. The depth of our love correlates with the intensity of our grief.

My father passed away over four decades ago, and I often contemplate how different my life might have been had he lived alongside me. The truth is, I will never know. Yet, I suspect that my life may not have diverged at all.

Despite the fantastical musings of science fiction, the reality remains: I carry the essence of my father within me. Our connection endures, albeit in a new and transformative manner.

I miss him, yet he is not truly gone. Rather than denying his death, I lean into it and allow it to transform me. This transformation holds the potential to make me a better person, provided I embrace it.

The qualities known as the fruits of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control—emanate from an individual who possesses a healthy comprehension of death.

The mystics and saints throughout history have understood death as part of the continuum of life. They trust in the gifts that death brings and recognize how all things serve the greater purpose of God and those who love him.

"To navigate the complexities of human existence, one requires the illumination of wisdom and the guidance of virtue." (Buddha)

Throughout history, many brilliant minds have recognized the constant interplay of loss and renewal at every level. To be alive means we are part of this flow, regardless of our awareness. Resistance leads to loss.

Great leaders like Hindu gurus, the Buddha, Moses, Muhammad, and Jesus recognized this in the grand narrative of human existence, naming it a "necessary dying." This pattern remains constant across time and space. Understanding it doesn’t grant us control, but it does offer insight into the transformations that await us.

We must ultimately learn to relinquish the smaller for the greater to realize the truth of our existence. This isn’t merely a religious concept; it’s a fundamental truth about reality.

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."